Dirty little secrets make great timekillers. They can also get you killed.

Things you (yes, you, not me... okay maybe me) should do for the new year:

• Look up Jeff Dunham on youtube
• Stop secretly looking at websites on love quizzes, love calculators, love advice etc... (okay okay fine that's me STOP HARPING ON IT)
• Start using my newly invented term, "Kinky Cuttlefish" (but first, ask me what it means)
• Stop laughing at me because I thought Prince Igor was a villian (oh alright, there you go again...)
• Listen to Vladimir Hvorostovsky (I think that's how it's spelt) and Andre Scholl.

As for me, I'm going to bed.