If knowledge is power, and with power comes responsibility, tell me again why we want knowledge.

* I know I shouldn't look back. But I do. I'm human. I regret. I recall. I regurgitate. I relive. And then I feel like banging my head on the wall. And then I feel absolutely useless, both for not being able to bring myself to do just that, and for even thinking that. What do you expect?


Come to think of it, I've been feeling useless for a while now. Why is it that I seem to be able to do everything until something really matters for me to do anything? Why is it that at times someone is really needed, I can't do a single thing? When I really try to do something, I mess it up big time.


How is it I can be so arrogant and feel so useless at the same time?


I feel like I'd do just about anything now for an audition of some sort. For the stage, or for some role on a tv show or something. I want to be someone else, even if that someone else doesn't exist. I don't care. Even if I just walk past a screen or if only the back of my head will ever be seen, I don't care. I need to get away from me.


The worst part of all of this is, I have no cause for complaint. I know I'm a pampered, privilaged child with everything laid before me. I know that full well.


It seems like I haven't done nuts for anyone who has done anything for me.


When did I become such a wallflower? *