Nobody should have to be strong all the time.

Right. You'll love part of today's news.


Yesterday, shortly after a lunch and mugging session with some members of my orientation group (including my match, hurhurhur), I went to wait for my next class to start. I was wearing a blue and crinkled-white college top (if you don't know what this means, please tag) and a very pretty and very very long gold (the colour without the shine--- light brown, if you really prefer) skirt.


While walking to the water-cooler, I got stopped by a fellow student whom I've never seen before in my life, who says, "Nice outfit!"


Following that, came a short conversation, during which we exchanged names and he got my email.


It seems as though he hasn't put me on msn yet, so maybe there's hope yet that he won't bother me. If he does though, it seems a bit mean for me to take him on one of my usual rides... I mean, we're in the same school... what if we bump into each other again after I deal my last card?


Hmmmm...


Anyhoo, seems like Egg Experiment 4 did the trick. My lips are swelling. The price for pushing the limits of my allergy.


Lesson today was great. In-class assignment completed a good half-an-hour before end of class. Ended up using Matlab to check my qf assignment. Good thing I did, too.


I'm starting to think maybe I should quit my job. But I'm not sure if I'll make full use of my time. Having a packed week may have helped keep my work morale up consistantly enough to do my work, as well as incull a sense of not having enough time to slack. But madam boss is getting irritated by my constant need for taking leave sia... Besides, I really want (and desperately need to soon) start up my own business.


Today was a high day that ended not so well... yet in a way, I guess it was perfect, coz now I don't hold it in anymore, it never fails to feel a lot better.


Over it once again. Goodness knows for how long this time, but it doesn't matter. Tears do wonders for the soul.


I need the last thing I need. If you can make sense of that, maybe I'll tell you what it is. Not that it's anything hard to get. Or maybe it is.

It's very easy to be classic and cool. You just can't see it if you keep staring at what the great mass is wearing.

I look good in a kebaya. Finally, I'm happy about getting the physical genes from my mum.


Plus, it helps that I've been working out lately, and have dropped to 60 kg (still trying to come to terms with it).


Why did I wear a kebaya to school today? Complicated thought process:

1. I have flamenco today. Need to wear track pants, sports bra and black shirt.
2. That kebaya is tempting.
3. I'll save that for Thursday.
4. The black shirt has to be funky enough for school.
5. Need to wear contacts.
6. Need rubber band.
7. The kebaya is tempting.
8. Hmm... this particular sports bra I've picked up can pass off as a nice spaghetti strap (not that I'd go anywhere in a spaghetti strap and no outer layer)
9. The kebaya is tempting.
10. I have flamenco today, and I do not want to soil this pretty kebaya.
11. Oooo~~ found that black top... same as the one I wore last monday... someone's bound to notice since they usually ONLY see me on mondays...
12. Bright blue kebaya.
13. Oh whaddeheck.
14. I have a brooch to hold it close and it matches.
15. Pretty shiny stick-on earrings.
16. ... That are falling apart, and thus are not symmetrical.
17. Ditch the symmetry. Flowers on one side and butterfly on the other.
18. Not taking computer, but must take thumbdrive(which I put on one of my chains like a pendent) so I can mug in school.
19. My!... That looks... stunning... I seriously thought I was going to look dominatrix... but I look fine... And the thumbdrive looks like it's part of the outfit...
20. Okie dokie. Off to school.


One thing that got me glum: I'd been carrying the flamenco stuff all day, rushed to dance class with a poor excuse for a dinner, to find that class was cancelled and the information had neglected to visit me.


One thought that cheered me up: I'm so glad I wore the kebaya.


Several factors contributing to that thought:
- I became quite the head turner. Fun. Especially when it came to the boys. Some were slightly... gentler... in their attitude.
- I discovered my outfit could helm a discussion.
- I discovered my outfit called for people to listen up when I spoke up in class.
- My match saw me in the outfit when I had a surprise encounter with him. He approached me, so now I'm slightly more assured of his perception of moi. Not the point. The point is he saw me in my stunning kebaya. Whether or not his brain actually registered, I don't feel like researching in detail.
- So eye-catching was my kebaya, when I was walking toward the taxi stand after finding out my class was cancelled, a taxi waited three to five minutes for me to reach it.


Gee, that kebaya is really useful. Maybe I should save up cash and get a few more in different designs and colours.


But once too often spoils that magic, I think.


I need to go record my expenses for the day.

There are more elegant ways to show your anger. That can also be very colourful.

Hie... Cute Adidas guy... sorry to be toying with your line of sight from the very moment I stepped into the store and turned left...


Maybe I should see if he's there tomorrow night... I know it's mean of me though...


Don't worry... I only do the REAAALLLYY venomous toying for the lechers on the streets who think I'm so easy to get laid. To the rest, I either just flirt and leave you with the wind, or I make sure you're scared stiff of me.


I'm happy~~ completed stats... now I have to make sure I do a bit of qf everyday... horrendous list...


I needeth to doeth my CT essay too... It's not that hard... that's the danger... I'm getting complacent about it...


I've invented a new way to swear!! And the other person won't know what hit.


So whenever you get really angry with somebody, you say, "Do you know what you are? A hole. You're a hole."


Those who are into literature, should be able to see how that's swearing. Puts a whole new perspective on the song, "There's a hole~ in the bucket...", which is ironic coz the next verse goes, "Then fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry..."


... I never told you that I got played the same way I played people, right? No, I'm not talking about my match.


Anyway, 'twas about a week ago, as I was on the train to... I forgot where. Anyway, this guy was sitting in front of me, and we happened to look at each other at the same time, after which I saw this slight, sly smile that appeared just as he lowered his gaze (whoever you are, I saw that, okay? I SAW THAT!). So throughout the train ride, he kept catching my gaze instead of me catching his, and even when I tried to think and look at something else, I could sometimes feel his eyes on me all of a sudden, then instinctively turn my eyes on him. We shared a slight lingering gaze as I stepped out of the train later.


I bet he enjoyed it. Hurrumph. Beaten at my own game again. Maybe my match isn't a strong contender. Maybe I'm just losing my touch. Or maybe there's a widespread underground addiction to manipulative-flirting that I'm unaware of and should join.


Can anyone tell me what the URL for the Singapore Girls' Home website is? I've something in mind...


Because of my project yesterday, I had to shift my class to today, and took leave from work today. Thus I ended up doing work in the school library afterward.


Does that sound like me? That does not sound like me. What is happening to me? Help!!


I wanna go diving.

Change is scary... Change is thrilling... Same difference.

Sorry for the incomplete revew of The Banquet, but it's good. Go see.


Having mixed feelings. But I can see now that my match is really my match. But at least he drops the bombshell on girls about an hour after he begins flirting. My last record for milking the bombshell was 5 days.


Reason for mixed feelings is that this means we will probably not be an official item for quite a while, since we'll both we having too much fun playing with the minds of the opposite gender. That is, of course, assuming he is still interested in me. Starting to think maybe I'm getting irritating, even though I've tried to put ample time in between contacting him. I know he has a lot of work to do.


Oh well. Life goes on... we'll see. If I have to let go, I have to let go. I'm just really reluctant to because I'm not sure if I'll ever find such a suitable match again. Also part of the reason I've never been so crazy over a guy before. I mean, I've gone bonkers for guys before, but I've never been so close to the definition of desperado.


If I get irritating, tell me... There's someone I don't want to turn into.


I need to get a grip. Being hardworking has some advantages, but it also raises the bar. I'm panicking over reading material, of all things. Not that it isn't important. Otherwise I wouldn't panic.


Dressing up for school is fun. I'm thinking about proposing my own CIP.

Some are killed by desire, yet a few survive and gain unprecedented glory from it.

Okay, technically this is yesterday's post, but whatever...


------------

1240, 20th September, Wed

Because I have no internet connection in the Burger King I’m in now, yet still feel the need to deviate from my essay work, I shall blog here on Microsoft Word and copy and paste the whole thing over later tonight.


On Sunday, family went to watch The Banquet (two Chinese films this year! Is this some passing fetish in my family?).

Oh. My. *BEEP*

It was fantastic!! Quite obviously based on Hamlet, but they beefed it up a little with various intrigues and twists here and there which made the story superb in suspense and powerful in poison.


I guess that alone should tell you why I like this film. These type of things are what I use to beef up MY venom. Not that I can compare to the Empress. But let me get on with it.


I will try my best not to include spoilers. If I have unwittingly spoiled your viewing entertainment of the show by adding in excess information, I ask sincerely for your forgiveness. Not that you can strangle me over the internet, but still.


I’m sure you all know the background information, so I’ll just skim on it without the details: King has an heir. The Prince. Duh. The Prince had a lover, whom the King took as Empress while The Prince was made to be betrothed to the naïve daughter of one of the court officials. Depressed, Prince darling runs away to join the era’s equivalent of a circus- a circle of acting trainees. King dies for some obviously un-known reason, and the Prince is summoned back to the castle, though not to take over the throne, since his wonderful uncle has done that already, and taken the liberty of usurping the Empress as well. The conspiracies begin.


Now let’s get down to business. I’m not going to rattle off the story. That’s for you to watch. What I am going to do, is tell you the symbolism and my feelings of certain snippets.

For example, in a scene where the Empress is using her beauty and charm to survive and fight another day (it’s a bedding scene), the bogus Emperor rattles with intoxication, “You can have my life, you can have my kingdom…”

Hurhurhur… he’d better be careful what he’s wishing for… This idea comes back most thrillingly towards the end of the film.
Jokes aside, let me go on about the Empress and original Emperor first. While in the beginning, it would seem as if the original emperor was an a-hole. But was he really? Early on in the film, doubts are being planted: if this guy was really such a jacka**, how is it that the Empress, whom we assume he took forcibly because of his own lust, has so much respect for him? And granted, the guy was the father of the Prince. But the sorrow he feels for his father’s death seems very much devoid of emotional conflict, even though it seems that his lover was stolen by his father. He even berates the Empress for cheating on his father. Both Empress and Prince, though they walk separate paths, are evenly matched in their hatred and their pursuit for vengeance against the usurper, and respect and pursuit of justice in honour of the Original Emperor.

So, even though this is nowhere near the main crux of the story… are we so sure the Emperor was a d**k? How else do we account for him taking his own son’s love?

As the film progresses, we see the character of the characters unfold, most notably the Empress. She is certainly no “helpless woman”… and if you are in any mood to think during to movie, you’d realize: she is indeed the only woman capable of taking on the title and responsibilities of the Empress.

---------------

And now I continue:

The film leaves the personality of the original emperor open to speculation, but maybe, just maybe, the guy was putting the interests of his country first when he chose his Empress, although things may not have turned out as he anticipated.


Ge You and Zhang Ziyi shine brilliantly in this film. They play off each other well, and are very, very apt at subtle acting (tone of voice, pacing of words, separation of the message of the eyes from the rest of the face).


Also, Ge You is deliciously HATEFUL as the ambitious, lecherous royal uncle. My gosh, after that beginning, you feel for the Empress no matter how poisonous she turns out to be afterwards.


Zhang Ziyi as the Empress is absolutely WICKED. There were repeated gasps from the audience in the cinema. Not many films or actors can do that. She is scheming, unforgiving, and full of venom. But at the same time, she is pitiful, long-suffering, burdened, understanding, far-sighted and devoted.


For full viewing pleasure, you may want to mentally note down the order of poisons during the film.


The Prince is mostly there as a pivot point, but he is well-fleshed out. Note the meaning behind his favourite song. By the way, the masks are powerful tools.


As for the naive Qing Nu (Zhou Xun), you either love her or hate her. But her presence has a very big impact on the unravelling of events.


This is the kind of thing you should not watch in a big group. Spoils viewing pleasure.


By the way, it's late and I got to sleep.

It's perfectly okay to want nothing more than company. We all get lonely.

I'm a happy girl~~


It was worth being slightly thick-skinned.

But now I'll probably need to dream on for another few weeks... poor fellow seems to have quite a lot of work. And anyway, I'm a bit stressed out, too...


Very worried about my current load of work. I might find it hard to finish... But what the heck... I'm gonna get them done on time anyway. Before time, if I can wager it.


I need to go for a swim sometime soon... seriously... I need to get myself immersed in water...


That bed peace in SMU looks terribly inviting... those two guys in pyjamas are so cute... in the traditional sense of the word, not the modern sense...


My eyebags are getting darker every day... I desperately want a hug, but I know that I'll lose all self-support by indulging in that at this point of time... and stress other people out too...


I need to know that I'm doing fine the way I am... I need to know that I'm doing a good job in all aspects of current life.


Once I needed someone to assure me of my existance. Now, I need someone to assure me of myself.


I am intrapersonal. Figures. Kinaesthetic too. Music is a given. It runs in the family, raw though it may be in me.

No one knows himself/herself completely. That's why we all make each other miserable.

I have just done something really really bad.


Will probably regret it in a few days. Maybe sooner than I think.


If I wasn't the only one in the house today, I probably wouldn't have done something so stupid.


I have just emptied a raw egg into a bowl of freshly cooked instant noodles and eaten all contents of the bowl for lunch.


Some of you may also recall that I am allergic to egg. I remembered that clearly as well, as I was gleefully cracking the egg open.


In a few days, this won't be so fun anymore, coz I'll be itching like crazy (and may develop Angelina Jolie lips, which look good on her but not on me)... but right now, it's dang well ringing my crazy system through the roof. Good news for me, not for the rest of you. In the short term, anyway.


I have finished my statistics homework!!! Finally!!


But I've got two more assignments... and not my forte either... but hey, I scored A2 for AO-level GP, right? Who knows... maybe I'll do better than I think...


Oh, I should post up the results of my five psycho test... sorry, psychology tests. Did them for CT (creative thinking) class. Stuff which I thought would be higher or lower would be marked with an asteriks or hex respectively. See if you agree with anything.



Test 1: (each result upon 40)

Extrovertedness: 35
Agreeableness: 24
#Conscientiousness: 17
*Neurotism: 22
Openess to Experience: 33


Test 2: (score ranges from 32 [adaptor] to 160 [innovator] with the middle being 96)

*Score: 87


Test 3: (score is upon 7 for each trait)

#Universalism: 4.66...
Benevolence: 5.6
Self-Direction: 5.6
Stimulation: 4.66...
Hedonism: 4.5
Achievement-orientated: 5
*Power-orientated: 3.75
Traditionalist:5.6
Conformity: 5.5
Security: 5.6

Professor said I looked well-balanced... Looks too balanced to be me, really...



Test 4: (scores each upon 30)

*Risk-taker: 24
*Risk-avoider: 19


Test 5: (scores each upon 25)

Mastery goal (emphasis on learning): 17
#Ego-approach (emphasis on success): 15
Ego-avoidance (emphasis on not failing): 18



Hmmmm... you know, I've a strange feeling that my mom's score on neurotism might be quite high...


I should try to test her...

Be prepared. You never know when Murphy's got his grasp on you.

Right. From now on, I know: If I can't smell my conditioner after a bath, I didn't use enough.


Ow, my scalp hurts.


By the way, I didn't make it into the hiphop thing. Must have been something to do with what I said during the interview, namely, "My priorities will first and foremost lie with (insert name of drama group here)."


Oh well. No biggy.


Wanna know what's biggy? That dirty old man. I think I need to a recruit a "boyfriend" for 10 bucks an appearance. A bodyguard, actually.


I had a TERRIBLE day yesterday. I woke up to see that the time displayed on my clock was indicative that my morning class had already started, rushed on jeans and a jacket top, and got to class halfway through the lesson, meaning I had to figure a lot of stuff out on my own. Because of that, I overstayed by two hours (this particular class required us to do and deliver our assignments before leaving class. Poor professor didn't have time to take lunch before his next class because of it), though I had some company due to the complexity of the assignment.


After this ordeal, I realised that: 1) I was appropriately dressed for any place, restaurant, hawker centre, etc... except for work; and 2) I had no time to travel home, change and travel to work. So what else could I do? The only part Murphy's Law let up on was that there was a miniature mall at the mrt station, so I wasted 27 buckeroos (*sniff*) on a top, got a matching hairtie just in case, changed and got to work.



Sheesh.


Just played with some speech recognition thing that just popped up on my screen. My computer has a built in microphone!! Nyuknyuk.

A simple, even silly, action can make anybody's day.

I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy~~~


No, not because I had lunch with the guy I liked. In fact, he was a no show. But it was something to do with the guy. My match, as you all now know I refer him as.


As I was checking the location of my interview (I got shortlisted from some hiphop auditions at school, so second round is auditions later today) on my SPANKING NEW FUJITSU TABLET *ahem*, I got a greeting and an apology on msn. Who else do you think it was from...


After that came a conversation involving a flirtatious battle of the lame wit (note: I used the word 'flirtatious', not 'naughty', 'campy', 'dirty' or otherwise. Yes, it is possible to flirt without sexual connotations). It wasn't as spectacular a win as before, but he won again nonetheless. Dang. Am I out of practice?


Anyway, apparently, he stopped halfway through doing his projects to chat with me. Sweet, ain't he? However, that IS, admittedly, assuming that he didn't just get sian diao of his projects, which likely the case, if not for the doubt placed in my mind by the way he put his words. But oh well. Sometimes I think too much. About the wrong things, no less.


Anyway, our timetables clash tomorrow, so no lunch tomorrow either... He agreed to arrange another time.


I'm almost done with my current load of homework except I've been stumped by one and two quarters questions. Thank goodness deadline is next week. Problem is, will I be able to figure the concepts by next week? No idea. Gonna try again later if I don't spend too much time on this entry. I'll be so proud of myself if I complete all my homework early.


Oh, must tell you lot what happened this morning... need to my scandalous image alive in some ways...


Well, okay, it's not really scandalous, but whatever.


On my way out of my neighbourhood to the bus stop, a smart army officer in a sleek black car drove up from behind me and, to my puzzlement, slowed to a stop just in front of me. The window rolled down, so I walked up to it to see what the guy wanted (it was obviously me, since I was the only one on the road at that point of time, or else he was going to throw some rubbish out of the window, and I don't think a uniformed officer would do that in public). The officer (a pretty young and good-looking one) asked if I needed a ride out.


Gosh... I sooooo should've said, "Is that really okay? Thank you so much!"


But no. The good and cautious little girl in me won out. So I said, "Oh! No... I'm okay. Thanks!"


Can someone tell me if this is a common thing in Singapore? Coz it's the second time it's happened to me. As I'm walking out of my neighbourhood.


... You know, I really don't think I'll have time to work on those questions. And I'm starting to feel slightly guilty because fellow students keep walking into the GSR I'm in and apologising to me for interupting before going off, when all I'm doing here is... blogging.


Yikes. I wonder why they don't just ask whether or not they can share the GSR. I'm doing nothing important, and these people come in solitarily. I'll be more than willing to share the space with them...


Oh well.


I'd so better stop now.

Philosophies are not truths. They are opinions. Which may be untrue, or may not alway be true.

What am I doing here at 12 noon?


I'm blogging. Duh. Ain't it obvious?


Kidding. It's after lesson, and I've got enough time to kill before flamenco, and not enough time to head back home and to flamenco again (this statement may change... the bus timing is very suspicious...)

Just had Subway for lunch (THEY'VE GOT SUBWAY ON THE CAMPUS!! HOW COOL IS THAT??). Making full use of my student card for discounts.


I've been experiancing blues for the past few days coz, against all my principles, I didn't just like a stupid guy, I actually missed him like crazy. And we've only known each other for like, what, a month? Barely.


So though I'm feeling very sore about it, I'm contemplating throwing all my previously presented philosophies out the window. Very reluctant to do so.


I actually got (and I hate to admit this) very anxious when he didn't reply to my sms yesterday. Turns out he forgot to pay his phone bills hyukhyuk.


A linked reason for my anxiety is that we haven't spoken since the freshman bash. Which wasn't very happening.


Anyway, managed to chat with him for a while just now, so hopefully, we'll be having lunch together tomorrow. And I'll get to see him. Heh.


Told you I was throwing my philosophies out the window.


Dang, my msn just hung on me. Sorry, Boston girl.


Oops. It's back on. And it looks like everybody else was cut off too.


No idea what just happened... Moving on... (what's going on with msn? can't just be my connection)


I have decided to take a gamble and find a day when I can go clubbing with my mother. Currently my only chance to get her to stop harping me about it every time I talk about it.


Some very interesting stuff are going on around the campus, nothing scandalous though...


Right I hope this post gets up...