There's no need for war. We're choking ourselves.

Why do I suddenly feel absolutely useless? Why do I suddenly have this imaginary need to be more useful? Has this psychology always been present, to be fully provoked of late?


Maybe I'm still not used to socialising. I still like moments alone. Then there's no one to demand of me, and no one that needs me to do anything, so I don't have anyone I feel obliged to be useful to.


I just realised I take some thrill in personal emotional pains. Is it the need for self-pity? I'm not too sure.


Lesson of the moth. Read it off someone's blog. Gee, why did it seem so familiar...


Problem is, no matter how much you're willing to get burnt for something you desire, there are always other people who want, or need, you alive and well, people who won't, or can't, let you go. And in thrusting yourself in the flames, you burn them too. And being the stupid emotional human beings we are, we'll have to face that guilt.


So thus be the conundrum: To burn joyfully in your desire, knowing that someone else reaps your punishment; or to suffer nobly, being punished for giving up the one thing you want so someone else can be happier?


佛挡杀佛，神挡杀神


Can we do that? We can't. If a majority of us did, there'd be chaos, and no one is happy.


And yet here's another puzzle: if we don't hold on to dreams, we may not survive.


Us humans have complicated things so much. Maybe the moth teaches another more certain lesson: Civilisation is killing us.


Someone treat me to a movie of Underworld: Evolution. With popcorn. I need something mindless. And I need an excuse for it.

There are some times when you have to let go to move on, and some times when you have to hang on to survive.

Proof that ants can survive anywhere: There was a colony of ants nesting in my mum's car. We found an army marching along the door seal. Some seal.


I couldn't resist it two days ago I bought a sword pendent. Gothic like. There was another type, but I figured I wasn't suppose to blow 24 bucks in one go.


I've a feeling I blew something else as well.


Business preparations back on the slow down...


I've proven to myself once again that the only way I'll manage long hair is with a conditioner. That's how I untangled my comb today.


I want a white horse, a long, flowy white dress, and a meadow. Either that, or a huge jacuzzi.


That's it. I'm so going swimming tomorrow. Must be post-diving blues.

Simple things bring simple pleasuures. Simple as that.

I realised that I did forget to talk about Nanny McPhee, which I did so watch on Thursday, so here it is.


First things first: The poor father does NOT (and never contemplates) marry Nanny McPhee in the end (don't ask me why I bother to state such an obviously absurd idea. All I can say is that I was severely traumatised by someone speculating). I am, of course, working on the assumption that you've seen the trailer or heard the synopsis.


The general direction of the movie is really quite predictable, but there are a few (I do emphasise "a few") surprises along the way, and quite many buckets of guilty laughs. All the characters are very lovable. The purpose of the movie is very clear: it is not meant to shock you, nor to surprise you, nor to disturb you, nor to make you think, nor to share philosophy... It's only goal is to make you laugh, such that you forget how old you are, and make you feel good (albeit with some guilty pleasure of seeing someone suffer, or an imminent war). Very Disney-like, if you please.


Do take note that this is more or less an anti-Mary-Poppins movie, and the two should not be compared in the same light.


I do feel sorry for that eldest girl though (the eldest child is a boy). As far as I saw, she was never naughty unless someone actually deserved it.


One of my favourite characters is the really scary one. The one that makes you cringe and your hair stand. No, it's not McPhee. If you watch it you'll know what I mean.


Other favourites include Nanny McPhee (of course) and the unseen one.


And if you don't think yourself to old to enjoy such films, I do suggest you take a look.

Now: who wants to treat me to Underworld: Evolution? Popcorn included.

Gone are the days when life was easy... Come are the times that show up the flimsy.

Admission interview next week.


Whoa.


I NEED MY PERKINESS BACK!! I need it for work AND for that interview.


Yet right now I just feel like a lump of lethargic swear words.


Strange words to say, I know... Can't really think of anything better. "Lifeless puppet" overdoes it. And strange hordes of swear words come to mind when I try to think of how to describe myself in this state. Oh well. If anyone has a better description (that will hopefully be free of swearing and still encompass the entire package. That's asking a bit much though), let's hear it.


I dread work tomorrow. Thereby there is a class of rotten brats who behave like royalty and treat teachers as servants. Gee, why is that familier?


Sorry. Little outburst. In any case, work is USUALLY pleasant and Saturday currently earns me the most money.


I want to eat pasta and cream sauce. Me want. Me no have. Maybe me cry. Will mummy buy? Me no know.

Would you rather believe the worst of a loved one and deny the hurt? Or believe that loved one knowing the past can't be undone?

If you don't believe me on it, at least shut up about it already, and let me move on.

I have no right to berate you for believing in whatever it is you believe in. That means you can't do that to me either.

We, the citizens of Singapore,
Pledge ourselves as one united people,
Regardless of race, language or religion,
To build a democratic society,
Based on justice and equality,
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity,
And progress for our nation.


'Tis real interesting, y'know... take another look at this pledge of ours... look at it...



Notice the words used... "race, language or religion" instead of "race, language or beliefs"... and I believe quite a few people notice by now that the word "freedom" is missing from the red highlights (from the entire pledge, if you see it that way).


Not meaning any disrespect to the guy who wrote this (the dear man recently passed away), but somehow there are a few loopholes here that have been taken advantage of.


"Freedom"-- This one I won't really bother about too much. I've mentioned before, our strict regime-despite our being a democratic society-is a main pillar for the basic survival of our tiny little island country. In fact, I'd say this "enslavement" has done us much good. Look around. Almost everything is air-conditioned. Almost everyone can afford to be extra picky about food and shampoos and detergents and clothes and hairstyles. Almost all of us (I'm technically still one till next year) teenagers are pampered and oh-so-cocky (okay, I guess this doesn't really count as "good". But you know what I mean... I hope).


However, it has occured to me just now that while most of us now live in harmony with everyone of different races, languages, cultures and religions, not much support has been given to condoning the different beliefs.


For example: Social Studies, I believe everyone agrees, is brainwash. So I shan't waste time on this and assume you understand why I bring this up as my proof, and say what I say.


The matter that brought this whole internal-debate (okay, well... so maybe it wasn't quite a "debate") to mind was the repetative sight of a newspaper (due to scary defamation laws, I will not state the the name of the paper... but I'm sure you'll know it if you see it) with a green front page proclaiming the bust of a drug ring exclusive to gays.


Like, okay... you hotshots busted a drug-syndicate of some sort... sure, that's big news... but... why was there this emphasis on the fact that the drug-ring was "by gays for gays"? With wording like that, excuuuuuse me if you accuse me of reading too much into it... if you people treated that as nothing more than an interesting fact, it wouldn't be in big, bold letters on the front page, it would only be in the article... the thing is, it IS in big, bold letters on the front page. You even made a point of mentioning (ON THE FRONT PAGE) that some police were masquerading as gays, instead of "buyers" or "customers".


Come ON. Are you trying to suggest that ecstacy is a gay-activity drug? Just like SOME people have tried putting up the STUUUUUUUUUU-PID idea that HIV was a gay disease? It's total bull.


This kind of thing is just like what some other people do that sometimes make me feel embarassed to call myself a "christian", ie, walking up to someone else of different religious background/freethinker and saying something to the point of, "THOU ART UNCLEAN AND BLASPHAMOUS!!! THOU WILT NOT SEE SALVATION IF THOU DOEST NOT REPENT THY THINKING!!!" or even proclaim something like, "THOU HAST BEEN TAINTED BY HARRY POTTER!! THE DA VINCI CODE IS THE WORD OF THE DEVIL!! POKEMON ARE THE SPAWNS OF SATAN!!"






Apparently, these people don't recognise how ridiculous this thing is. And hence, extremists are born.




I'll admit that, given what I understand of the lessons of my religion, I do not approve of homosexuality. That said, I also do not believe in the existance of Shiva, Buddha nor Zeus (aka Jupiter in Roman context), and yet I know for sure that I have no right to berate others for believing in whatever it is they believe in, just as others have no right to attack me for believing in what I believe.


So why, then, can't we just leave well alone, and just let homosexuals go their way? If they see nothing wrong in what they do, and with the knowledge that all parties involved are not involved against their will, then that's their opinion. Society shouldn't punish them for their opinion.



Oh my... whose fault was that? I can't recall (due to very scary sedition laws)...



Our pledge had been written to unify us and encourage all of us to hold on to our beliefs and our ways, as well as to respect others for holding on to their different beliefs and ways. People, please read it, understand it, and truly adhere to its spirit of welcome to all.



And for bloody goodness' sake, stop exploiting its bloody loopholes.

Fact is stranger than fiction? Of course. Where do you think they get ideas from?

I just watched Cold Mountain (not Brokeback; anyways I watched SCV not cinema). I think my heart was cracking in many different places. It kinda broke towards the end.


I need to get those cross-stitch outlines done or I'll never be able to start on my snowflakes without someone at my ear. My own fault, really. I did promise ZJJ I'd do them after exams.


Hmmm Alice Academy looks to be an interesting anime.


I watched 少年包青天II just now, and now I'm wondering: What kind of forest will have wind that travels in circles, and where literally every living thing (eg: people, ants, birds...) can go in and not come out? The forest is a forbidden ground behind a buddhist temple, and is aptly called 雁不归，where 雁 is a type of migratory bird and 不归means no return. Gosh, the scriptwriters have some serious imagination. I wonder how they're going to explain this.


I'm feeling a bit useless. I feel like I should say something, but I don't know how to say it (no, this has nothing to do with a guy).

If you love something, let it go; if it loves you, it'll come back eventually with an entire package. If not, it was the wrong time, wrong direction.

I have applied for SMU, submitted my portfolio and paid my application fees.


And I have included my latest and best creation (aka, snowflake choker) in my portfolio. Literally.


WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH I want my snowflake back. Must create several more!!


Very very very tired. Why am I still up at this hour?


Made a very bad decision to watch the American version of Ju-On on television. I need to stay away from scary films.


I just activated the sticky keys. Someone tell me why this function exists? Okay, maybe not why... who invented this thing? It's the second time I've done this accidentally.


If you've no idea what I'm talking about, press the shift key 5 times. Just for reference, I'm using windows xp.


I need to sleep.

Life: It's a love-hate relationship.

A-level results: Maths=A (I'd weep if it were anything else)
Physics=B (oooo... I actually did well for Physics)
Chem=B (I'm sure it was because I lost marks for SPA... well, okay, so the written wasn't all that great)
GP=A2 (about time I got this right!!)


It was mean of me, I know, but I just loved laughing at all the army cuts.


Loved the barbeque... did I spell that right?...


Love my class. Love Bananarama... I mean, Mr Rama (sorry... my hand must've slid across the keyboard)


Love our poor, poor, poor host... I think it's high time we kept truth or dare games far away from any party.


Hated the lecher whistling at me in the bus. A**h*** followed me off and on to another bus when I switched at McRitchie. I dunno about him, but I know MY fingers were getting itchy... and I hadn't cut my nails then...


Hate myself when I pick up the wrong signals. What does the current CCS see in me?


Hate myself for hurting a person who was once my best friend, and who still considers me to be hers.


Love my new fringe.


Love my new potential lovelife. Don't ask. I'm still pretty irritated with myself for this. Okay, well, a lot less irritated.


Love my prototype bead snowflake!! Looks like my bead business might actually go somewhere.


Love mantas, whaleshark and the sea. By the way, during that trip my thumbprint was making a quick recovery. That recovery has been on standstill since I came back. Nature does wonders.


Love the way I've been feeling lately. Let's hope it doesn't go to my head. It probably already has.